~Exams in 12 days... and I am still in lala land... hahaha... typical of me... well I did read... ^^ haha...

Too bad I am no longer looking forward to the holidays...
My heart feels like it has been slashed by a thousand blade...
Now I no longer hope anything from you...
I hurts but...oh well, I have to get over it somehow...
I prefer the harsh people here the you for now...
I need time to heal cause now I just cannot feel...

on second thought... I don't wanna leave....

But I have to...

- get a convincing result
- get closer to Allah
- get a good and fruitful life


I have yet to pack... -.- so in 10mins time shall pack and at 9.30pm need to sleep...
My flight is at 7am but need to be there early...

~ I feel so scared ~

The most difficult kuih to make is SUJI, if your hands are not delicate enough, you break the dough while moulding, if you are too delicate, you don't get nice pattern(the cracks)... it took me like what... 2hrs just to mould 60 (x.x)

Next kuih... chocolate chip cookies... using the chocolate which I bought from Russia that they claim it's from Germany...

This year maybe the last year I am coming back home... the rest of the years, I'll just stay there or travel... I've had enough. A sister who lies is really sickening cause in the end, the elder ones always gets the shit... You may be a 4 year old but that does not give you the right to demoralise someone and the one who demoralises(parents) always side the young one... I have had enough of this shit... how I wish I wasn't born or rather SHE wasn't born... - yeah evil I know... but HEY, I have feelings too... and I don't fake cries or roll then fall then blame someone else...

Welcome to my stinking life... I go back home, I get shit and go there...more shit... shit always comes...

And this is the month of Ramadan and these happen...

I am starting to hate life very much... honestly, I feel more stress here then there... thanks to you know who... A pain seriously a pain...

I think I am just going to ignore HER from now onwards and behave like as if she NEVER existed... Nothing good have ever happened to me so far since she came. A disaster child... and A BIG FAT LIAR...

I think I am quite messed up... I seriously don't enjoy coming back to Malaysia... I really miss Volgograd... even the day before departing back here, I wasn't excited unlike other people...

Ungrateful. Some may say but yeah... haiz... I am just waiting... thank goodness I brought back some materials to study, but I barely touched them...

My youngest sister is  pain... I want to stay as far away from her as possible... stubborn monkey... because of her, I don't think I want to have a child once I get married... well not like her at least.

It's the second day of Ramadan by the way and I won't be able to celebrate Eid here... Am quite excited about that actually. My first Eid away from the "home" ...

Well I really need to be patient being here...

Oh My God... how am I suppose to memorise things without understanding... I remember by logic and understanding... but chemical equations and reactions... like WHAT..... -.- ok I figured I won't do so well this year... but will still try my best... ohhhh the horror... the thing about exams is that I don't mind getting the questions and screwing them... the problem comes when I have to get back my screwed up results... ohhh the horror... But one thing here it's not just the results... the kind of question and which teacher... ohhh the terror...

But then again... no point arguing... I have to face it... ALONE... Me... Pen... and THE Paper... + the teacher... -.- hoho... scared much... -.- I just want to finish this and go home in one piece- back to my family and apologise to them...and by then maybe I won't be in one piece anymore... T.T ... but it's ok... it will work out ... somehow...